2010

As I sit here wondering what 2010 has in store for me . Performing or modeling and a book coming out on me, I wonder sometimes if I would have changed anything in my past. To answer that is A no or maybe not . I have had a ruff 2009 like a lot people have I am sure of it, And I wonder how I got through some of the things. For one " Dealing with breakups and ex boyfriends not letting go is one of them and the other is some of the crazy females who think they live under my bed. What A joke to think that some of these people know me ? Is just crazy as ever ! I have A lot to say and I refuse to do it on myspace. I do not even have A myspace no more ! I can not keep up with it lol. So I am going to get this out of the way before it kill's me ! Just cause you say you love someone does not mean it is true or that you have to love them forever. where is the rule on that ? I believe if you break up with someone and you both are truly done with each other then there is no more words to say. So why do I keep hearing about A ex boyfriend of mine making up lies and telling nice bedtime stories on A myspace blog? Hmm.... I know he has no life and no morels in anyway at all " And likes to blame everyone for his actions and claim poor him all the time to anyone who will listen. Why do people do that ? What do they get out of it ? Life is never fair but you get over it and move on. Simple as that. So I have decided to start blogging what I feel and get it out since the rumors are live and well. I will speak the truth and maybe mouth's will be shut. Yes I got with this person In Aug and I thought he was the missing other of me and I was wrong ! I learned he had some dark secrets that I was not prepared for. Some I could have under stood and some was very scary ! I lived on edge for 2 months I did not know if I was coming or going half the time and I became this whole other person that I did not like ! He had problems that I could not handle or help and I tried but his lies would not let me. It was like torture to me ! I never trusted him and he was my way out of some of the things I was going through. The man has no clue on what life is or where he is going and I met junkies that had more of A chance. His life means nothing to him so I do not know why I thought I could help him , He did not want to help himself. I really do not see this man living long . He just does not care and it is sad " He is A good musician I give him that. But he will use and lie to people to get what he wants or needs and I saw through that right away ! I could have got him gigs but I knew it would be A train wreck and so why try ? I never got sleep he would keep me up crying and just words can not explain how bad it was. I have never let any of this out but after all I have been hearing and reading " I am telling it all and this is the truth. I could not go to work and if I did He would get me out of work saying he needed A hospital for nothing ! He never worked he has no money , He sells himself short and it's so sad. This is A man who lives off pills that he does not need and drinks like A fish and brags about it like he is some kinda rock star ! People die everyday from this shit it is not joke. Anyways the man is married and has been for 5 years to A woman who I feel bad for and thought they was no longer together till him and I broke up and her and I spoke not only once but more times . We both was shocked to learn the things we new about him. She told me stories and I told her what I knew. you would think we was talking about A whole other person. She told me things that just shocked me and I told her things that shocked her . It was scary to know I once had this man in my home and in my life and he is A walking lie ! I knew him as this man who was in need of love and need to be taken care of and I used to watch him write stories down about me on how much he loved me and he cut his self and in graved my name in his arm and leg and has my name tattooed on him. That he blames me for but does not say how he begged to marry me that night in front of everyone that night before the tattoo . Or how he talk's about using woman to get from town to town , State to state and that is fine let them handle him. I just thought and so do others that it is my turn to tell my side of the story, Since I have kept my mouth shut and let him and his buddy tell the rumors that are so not true but kind of funny and A little out there ! So I hope this answers some of the questions I get. Thanks for reading

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